Yesterday my little men left to go spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with their dad, Jeff, his wife and their kids in Alabama. Each time the boys leave it seems to be getting harder instead of easier as the years go by. The anxiety seems to really start the week before they leave with all the preparations going on for them to go. Making sure they have everything they need, packed and that the luggage isn't overweight or you will have the extra charge. It seems like the boys start acting out around this time as well, maybe they are excited about going or they are just feeding off my stress and anxiety over the whole situation. This entire experience might not be so bad if their dad and I had a better relationship but reality is we don't. I am always praying that one day we will become the mature adults we need to be and have a better relationship for all the children involved in this matter. I know it bothers the boys even though they don't speak of it often. At the airport is when I feel it the pain/loss the most. Watching them walk away from me to get on the plane. It is like someone hit me in the gut, all my air is gone and I can't breath. I try to hold back the tears but they always seem to come. After they are gone I try not to focus on their absence but when I am at home alone I start moping around wishing I could see them, hear them fight with each other, laugh, love/squish on the dogs (Summer and Daisy), fuss with them about homework and chores. I just really hate goodbyes and departures. They tear at my very being. I know my Heavenly Father is always with me to give me comfort in my time of need. While the boys are with their dad they will be celebrating their Christmas with them in Alabama. So this year I have decided we will be making all gifts that will be handed out. So we had a day of baking before they left and this is what we made. I really do want my boys to have a great time with their dad and his family. I want them to have a great relationship with them as well but I just really miss them so much when they are away. I want to be selfish at times I do look at it as I didn't have them to be a part time mom and for that I ask forgiveness. Thanks for reading about my woes.